Monday, March 05, 2007

Blog Short Story Project III: DUMPED

power / on
menu / address book
scroll / Mike
write new / text

u up?
4 real?
how r u?
n e news?
she ok?
wot u think?

menu / address book
scroll / Jenny
write new / text

u up?
yeah cant sleep
she'll make it
cant walk tho
shit. sorry.
not ur fault

menu / address book
scroll / Leanne
write new / text

u hear?
yup. mike tol me.
well what?
when do we ... u know?
not yet
u didnt do her
i did!!!
she can dob
she can't walk
she can still blog
fuk u
no pussy 4u!

menu / address book
scroll / Jenny
scroll / Mike
scroll / Jenny

somethin 2 tell u
i know who did it
what?! who?
not sure i should tell
no way
her dad's car
call the cops!
can u? bcause...

scroll / Leanne

it's over
fuk u

power / off


Mary said...

Man, that's intense. Like it. Love the rhythm.

Gerald So said...

Brilliant take, Daniel.

John DuMond said...

That was cool, Daniel.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Really clever one, Daniel. Good use of the theme.

FizzWater said...

That was great.

Maria said...


Anonymous said...

It's a poem.

Full story, few words. Wonderful.

thank you.

John Rickards said...

That's excellent. Really good take on the idea.

JD Rhoades said...

What Pari said. It's a poem in the language of the machine.

Anonymous said...

Techno language crime fiction. Gotta love it.

Daniel Hatadi said...

Thanks very much, all. I've had this in an earlier form for a month now, but it wasn't until The Project came along that I found a way to finish it.

Glad you all enjoyed it.

mybillcrider said...

Very cool. And I'm too damned old ever to have written it.

Steve Allan said...

That worked really well. Loved it.

Christa M. Miller said...

Dammit, freaking Blogger ate the comment I left on Monday. :( Daniel, what I liked most about this story/poem is that even though I am a Luddite without a cell phone, you gave the conversation enough context that I could figure out what was going on. Nicely done!

Gerald So said...

I missed a story by John Stickney posted Monday, and Jim Winter posted a late entry last night. I've added both links to the list of project contributors on my blog.

JJ Stickney said...

Excellent job, very clever.

Daniel Hatadi said...

And thanks to all of you, too.

Gerald, I've added the stragglers above.