Monday, March 05, 2007

Blog Short Story Project III: DUMPED


power / on
menu / address book
scroll / Mike
write new / text

u up?
nope
4 real?
duh
how r u?
fukt
n e news?
nope
she ok?
wot u think?
sorry

menu / address book
scroll / Jenny
write new / text

u up?
yeah cant sleep
news?
she'll make it
gr8!!!
cant walk tho
shit. sorry.
not ur fault
yeah

menu / address book
scroll / Leanne
write new / text

u hear?
yup. mike tol me.
well?
well what?
when do we ... u know?
not yet
wtf?
u didnt do her
i did!!!
she can dob
she can't walk
she can still blog
fuk u
no pussy 4u!

menu / address book
scroll / Jenny
scroll / Mike
scroll / Jenny

somethin 2 tell u
what?
i know who did it
what?! who?
not sure i should tell
who?!!
leanne
no way
yes
how?
her dad's car
call the cops!
can u? bcause...
ok

scroll / Leanne

it's over
fuk u

power / off

17 comments:

Health Bites said...

Man, that's intense. Like it. Love the rhythm.

Gerald So said...

Brilliant take, Daniel.

John D. said...

That was cool, Daniel.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Really clever one, Daniel. Good use of the theme.

guyot said...

That was great.

Maria said...

fabulous!

Pari Noskin Taichert said...

It's a poem.

Full story, few words. Wonderful.

thank you.

John R. said...

That's excellent. Really good take on the idea.

JD Rhoades said...

What Pari said. It's a poem in the language of the machine.

Anthony Rainone said...

Techno language crime fiction. Gotta love it.

Daniel Hatadi said...

Thanks very much, all. I've had this in an earlier form for a month now, but it wasn't until The Project came along that I found a way to finish it.

Glad you all enjoyed it.

Bill Crider said...

Very cool. And I'm too damned old ever to have written it.

Steve Allan said...

That worked really well. Loved it.

Christa M. Miller said...

Dammit, freaking Blogger ate the comment I left on Monday. :( Daniel, what I liked most about this story/poem is that even though I am a Luddite without a cell phone, you gave the conversation enough context that I could figure out what was going on. Nicely done!

Gerald So said...

I missed a story by John Stickney posted Monday, and Jim Winter posted a late entry last night. I've added both links to the list of project contributors on my blog.

JJ Stickney said...

Excellent job, very clever.

Daniel Hatadi said...

And thanks to all of you, too.

Gerald, I've added the stragglers above.