Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Crime Show Syndrome

Danny Hawaii's feeling a tad miffed today, and that is a very mild way of expressing it.

You see, his bike got stolen. My bike.

Instead of going into the details and getting all worked up about it, the plan is to vent elsewhere.

I've chosen as my target what I affectionately like to think of as The Goran Show.

I used to love this show. I used to love the way Goran would roll his head and insert interesting pauses into his speech, like a modern day Captain Kirk. I used to love the writing, the way they would paint a character with a single telling detail, so you would know this guy or gal. I used to love the dry humour of the redheaded coroner.

But now it all looks like a formula. Or a recipe.

* 3 minute teaser - get to know the few new characters, and find out who dies
* 20 minutes of red herrings - Goran and Eames track down a few possible suspects, who turn out to be dead ends, and we usually meet the villain at this point
* 15 minute investigation - now we know the right direction to head in, we narrow in on the perpetrator and prepare the setup - the moment he/she breaks
* 5 minute breakdown - as the soundtrack intensifies, Goran wiggles his head and gesticulates at the criminal until they break down and confess
* 5 second summary - one of the Detectives spits out a moralistic one liner, such as, "Well, I guess he won't be wearing that t-shirt again"

Add commercials to taste, and stir.

The Goran Show is still one of my favourite shows on television, and it certainly craps all over the many other Law & Order/CSI spinoffs, at least for me.

It's just a shame that the most fun I get out of it nowadays is making up my own 'end sentences'.

Danny Hawaii OUT

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Danny Hawaii Dead?

Danny Hawaii Dead?
Originally uploaded by dannyhawaii.
Is this really Danny Hawaii?

Was he shot dead on that fateful morning?

Does this mean the novel has ended?

Or is this all just an act, played out by some rabid fan?


Monday, June 06, 2005

Bicentennial Achievements

Frank hasn't had a mention here before, so perhaps the time has come to show his face to the world.

Some of you out there may not know that Danny Hawaii, before his life of fighting crime, had a much less glamorous job.



Not having the necessary medical experience, he was unable to perform autopsies, but there's always work at a morgue for anyone with a strong stomach.

And that's where he met Frank Wilder.

With a blood-stained black lab coat built for 6 feet of hulking man, long balding hair held in check by a black mesh wrap, and weighing in at 120 kgs, Frank isn't exactly a lady killer. Which is a shame, because his wit and enthusiasm for all things dead are some of the most tragically under-appreciated attributes in the modern day non-metrosexual male.

Frank has been there for Danny the whole way, through tragedy and success. And today he is getting a mention because he has helped bring about an enumerated achievement of epic proportions.

The novel has hit page 200.

Danny Hawaii OUT

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Magic of Pumpernickel

He's at it again, and this time, HE'S HUNGRY. Danny's recent investigations into the land of digestive catalysts have caused his taste buds to go wild.

The culprit?


How is it possible that thin rectangles of compressed rye bread, with a bit of sweetening, can taste so damn good?

Pumpernickel comes in small, heavy loaves, with about two dozen thin slices. They are dark, and on closer inspection you can see the nodules that make up this most heavenly of dark and savoury treats.

Put all kinds of spreads on the bread if you prefer: cream cheese, cottage cheese, plastic cheese, or Nutella Cheese (TM) (for extra hazelnutty goodness). Just remember that there's nothing like having it plain.

Preferred accompanying drinks?


Pumpernickel Rye

INGREDIENTS: Destarched Wheat Flour, Soy Protein Isolate, Soy Filter, Rye Flavour, Wheat Protein Isolate, Salt, Lecithin, Sugar, Caramel Col, Enzymes, Ascorbic Acid, Raisin Flavour, Pumpernickel Flavour (that's just to see if you're still reading)

This one goes out to all the WW Girls. Peace.

Danny Hawaii OUT

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Word Count Update

There's a very human need to watch things like progress meters. Sure, we could leave the computer alone while it's downloading, but as far as many of us are concerned, those meters must be watched.


Progress. Yes. At least this kind of progress is meaningful. Nothing like the cycles of mobile phone sizes, where we fluctuate betwen thumbnails and bricks. From Zoolander to The Secret of My Success and now back again. These days we have the privilege of looking at low quality videos of each other on portable lunchboxes.